she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
