Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
