John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
