you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pants are for mortals
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
