Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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