I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have aggressive nipples.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
