I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
