I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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