yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
