this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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