Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
