I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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