Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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