my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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