non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
