Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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