Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
