Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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