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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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• (845): View more from New York

  That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...

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• (585): View more from New York

  ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred

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• (509): View more from Washington

  People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  thats called having FUN

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