Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
