my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
