if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
