He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
