There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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