And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
