Pants 0. Shit 1.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
