Only a mothe r could love this liver
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
