friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
