ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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