i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
These tits shall not be calmed
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
