I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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