I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
