Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
