i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
