put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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