so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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