i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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