The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Drake has all the answers
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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