They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
