Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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