My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
