My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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