I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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