i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
