your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
