the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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