every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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