I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
