Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Terrible idea I love it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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