...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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