Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
