Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize