So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were trust falling into bushes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
