You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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