wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
