Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
