Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
