when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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