My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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