I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
