Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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