If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
