nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
