its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
