i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
