Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
