Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
