Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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