Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
