i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
