just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
