Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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