The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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