Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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