9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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